Birthday Celebrations
by Grasspaw
Summary: "Hi, is this Remus? No, um, this isn't Sirius. I'm his cousin Tonks. See, I just turned eighteen today so he decided to take me out drinking, but he kind of had too much Firewhiskey and passed out, and I don't know how to drive his bike, and he had your number on his phone, so... Can you come pick us up?"
1. Chapter 1

**Hey, everyone. So this is my first Harry Potter story in... almost a year... But it's got Remus in it! And Sirius! And Tonks! And mentions of the other Marauders and Lily, so... Oh, and quick explanation: Voldemort does not exist. Or rather, he did, but had no Horcruxes, and was killed by a young Auror named Alastor. And the Marauder's and their lot are only four or five years older than Tonks, because if there's anything I hate about Lupin/Tonks (besides the fact that she stole my werewolf from me), it's the thirteen year age difference. So... He's almost twenty-three, and she just turned eighteen. So, um... yeah. Oh, this takes place in modern day, where, in my mind, many in the magical community have decided to adopt the Muggle custom of carrying cell phones with them everywhere, since it's faster than owls. I own nothing.**

The living room of the flat was normal enough, for a single man in his twenties. A few band posters were peeling off the wall with the pain, there were random articles of clothing scattered about the room, and on the plain wooden coffee table was an open box of pizza, missing about three slices. In one corner of the room was an old radio, and in the center of the room was an ancient sofa, on which sat Remus Lupin, his too-big t-shirt on inside-out, two days of stubble on his face, his feet on the coffee table next to the pizza, and a laptop on his lap. His tongue was between his teeth as he typed furiously, the _tap tap tap_the only noise to be heard.

Until his phone started ringing.

The man didn't seem to realize where the RiddleTM's music was coming from for a few moments, as he looked around, blinking in confusion, before he let out an angry sigh and reached forward to grab the semi-ancient phone off the coffee table, where it had been sitting for the past few days after he had texted everyone in his contact list, _I am writing and if you call me without good reason I will hurt you. That means you, Marauders._

He growled in annoyance when he saw the name of his caller and flipped the phone open. When he spoke, his voice was hoarse and gravelly from lack of sleep.

"Sirius Orion Black! What part of 'do not call me' do you _not_ understand? It's is bloody two in the morning! I'm _writing!_"

There was a pause, and he registered the loud music in the background as a girl began to speak.

"I'm sorry, but, um, I'm not Sirius. I'm his cousin Tonks. See, it's my birthday, so he decided to take me-"

Remus sighed. "What bar are you at? I'll come get you."

"Thank you!"

Thirty minutes later, Remus pulled up in front of The Cheap Flask, parked his truck, took a deep breath, and walked inside.

He choked on the semi-solid wall of pipe smoke that met him and blinked, his eyes taking a moment to adjust to the dim lighting. Someone was on stage singing a very slurred rendition of one of Celestina Warbeck's songs, a few obviously drunk wizards were comparing wand lengths and laughing uproariously, a couple at the bar was snogging, a few girls were giggling and chugging Firewhiskey, and sitting at the corner table was a very unconscious Sirius Black, slumped over the table, across from a girl who didn't look old enough to be there. Remus sighed and walked over.

The girl, whose hair was a bright bubblegum pink, looked extremely sheepish and a bit wary as he approached. Remus held up his hands to show he wasn't holding his wand, feeling slightly disgusted as he examined his old friend half-lying on the table, passed out and drooling.

"I'm Remus," he said, having to shout over all the noise. The girl nodded. "How long has he been like this?"

"He passed out about five minutes before I called you," Tonks said. Remus nodded and bent down, draping Sirius's arm over his shoulder and hefting the man over one shoulder with surprising ease. Sirius was by no means overweight, but he wasn't particularly scrawny, either. Staggering slightly, he led the way towards the door. Tonks followed.

A man hurried towards them, but Remus shook his head. "Put in on his tab. He'll pay you back."

The man nodded, and Remus kept walking.

Tonks opened the truck door for him and Remus dumped the man unceremoniously in the passenger seat.

"I take it you took the bike?" Remus asked, stretching. Tonks nodded, and Remus rolled his eyes. "The idiot. Figures he'd use that, then pass out so he couldn't even stay on it while you drive home..."

Tonks said nothing, simply pointed out the huge motorcycle parked on the curb a ways down. Remus glanced around to see if there were any Muggles, but the street was deserted. He pulled out his wand and levitated the bike into the bed of his truck, yawning. He hadn't realized how tired he was, but having gotten a total of about six hours of sleep over the past two days, he was fairly exhausted.

"You'll have to sit in the back, sorry," he said, nodding towards the two tiny seats crammed in behind the front seats. Tonks nodded and clambered in willingly enough.

"It's cool that you know how to drive," she said. "Most wizards can't."

"I spend a lot of time in the Muggle world," Remus shrugged, climbing in and slamming the door behind him. "It's necessary."

"Neato."

Remus started driving. The car was silent, except for Sirius's snores. Remus threw the man a sidelong glance. "How much did he drink?"

"Too much, apparently," Tonks shrugged. "I lost count."

"And he decided to take you out drinking because...?"

"The most alcohol I'd ever consumed was a shot of Firewhiskey. I think Sirius was ashamed of me."

"For having gone partying with Sirius, you sound remarkably sober," Remus remarked.

"I don't really like alcohol," Tonks confessed. "I switched to butterbeer after a bit. Sirius..."

"Didn't," Remus concluded with a nod. "This is the third time this month I've had to pick him up. How old are you turning?"

"Eighteen."

"Just left Hogwarts then. What house were you in?"

"Hufflepuff."

"Hm. Usually he calls me himself. How'd you get my number?"

"It was written on his hand," Tonks said, gesturing. As Remus stopped at a red light, he reached over and looked at Sirius's palm, then snorted. Written in his old friends familiar scrawl were the words, _If found drunk, beat up, or semi-nude, please call this number:_

Written beneath that was Remus's phone number.

"That idiot," Remus said casually. "I'm not doing this again."

"Thanks for picking us up," Tonks said, gratitude in his voice, and Remus met her bright green eyes in the rear-view mirror.

"It's nothing," he said, shaking his head. "I'll stop by my place first and drop Sirius off there; it's a bad idea for Sirius to wake up alone and hungover."

Tonks nodded. Her eyes went slightly out of focus as she leaned back. "I think I drank too much."

"This being your first time, I'm amazed you're still standing. Especially considering the fact that it was Sirius you went out with..."

Tonks shrugged, and Remus kept driving, humming slightly to himself.

Tonks suddenly snorted with laughter, and Remus raised his eyebrows at her.

"Are you humming 'Hairy Heart'?" she asked him, laughing, and he nodded, eyebrows rising even higher.

"Oh my gosh, that is so old!" she said, practically shrieking with laughter. "That came out ten years ago!"

"So? It's still good."

Tonks laughed even harder, and Remus shook his head, smiling slightly as he pulled up in front of his apartment building. With a sigh, he hefted Sirius over his shoulder once more and made his way into the building, heading for the elevators. Tonks followed like a tipsy but obedient puppy.

Remus dropped the raven-haired man on the floor of the elevator and hit the button for the fourth floor. "I'd normally take the stairs," he told Tonks. "But under the circumstances... I don't feel like carrying him that long, and this is a Muggle building so I can't very well levitate him up the stairs."

Tonks giggled so hard she had to lean against the wall to keep from falling over. Remus rolled his eyes. He did _not_think getting an eighteen-year-old drunk was a good birthday present.

The elevator dinged and opened, and Remus dragged Sirius by the armpits down the hallway. A door suddenly opened and a man stuck his head out, frowning disapprovingly.

"God, Remus, that idiot again?"

"This idiot again," Remus grunted.

"He's got a serious problem," the man went on. "You ought to just leave him there next time."

"Oh, he has a very Sirius problem," Remus agreed with the man. Tonks snickered. "And I normally do leave him there, I just happened to be awake already when he called. Besides, he brought his cousin along with him, and I couldn't very well leave her there. Now I have to get him inside. See you, Greg."

The man snorted and closed the door. Remus continued dragging Sirius towards his own flat. He managed to unlock the door and get the sleeping man inside. "Go ahead and sit down," Remus told Tonks, nodding towards the couch. "I'll have to put him in my bed.

Tonks looked around the room, and Remus was suddenly very aware of the mess. "Sorry, I've kind of been... busy... the past few days..."

"I like it," she said with a grin. Remus gave her a small smile and,in the privacy of the apartment, finally decided it was safe to levitate Sirius. He got him onto the bed, removed his jacket, and jerked the blanket up over him, feeling vaguely annoyed. Now he'd have to sleep on the couch...

But when he returned to the living room, it was to see Tonks asleep on his couch. Remus sighed, grabbed his discarded jacket off the coffee table and draped it over her. Then he grabbed his laptop and made his way into the kitchen. He wasn't going to sleep anyways, and he still wanted to finish this chapter...

Soon enough, the steady, rapid _tap-tap-tap_ was the only noise in the apartment.


	2. Chapter 2

**Two parter! I'm proud of myself! So, um, Remus is an author whose work has been published in both the Muggle and wizarding world, so, ya know. And Tonks would totally be a fangirl of her favorite authors/musicians/actors. I own nothing.**

The combined kitchen and dining area of the flat was normal enough, for a single man in his twenties. Dishes, utensils, and glasses were stacked in the sink, unwashed, two open boxes of dry cereal were on the counter, and the three wooden chairs did not match each other or the old, beat up table, upon which was a dirty tablecloth, upon which was an open laptop, upon which was the head of one Remus Lupin, who was snoring fast asleep. His cheek was stuck to the keyboard and his hair fell in his eyes. He looked absolutely dead to the world.

Which was why Tonks screamed when, upon leaning over his shoulder to see what was on the screen, he literally growled and jerked upright, looking around in mild panic before he realized who it was, and he blearily rubbed the sleep away from his eyes, trying to focus on Tonks. He frowned.

"Wasn't your hair pink?" he asked, examining the long black locks that fell to her waist. She nodded.

"My head hurts. I changed it."

"Right. Headache. Hangover..." Remus yawned and stumbled around the table to make it to the counter, where he set about making coffee. "Wait," he said, frowning as he turned around, "How did you change your- _don't read that!_"

But it was too late. Tonks had dropped into his empty seat and was now scanning the document he had up, her blue eyes - wait, no, they were _green_, how did she do that? - slowly widening.

"Fairy?" she asked, her voice barely a whisper as she read the names of the characters up on the screen. "Calleigh? _Talon? _Merlin's beard! You're R.J. Marauder!"

He didn't say anything, but he supposed his sheepish look was answer enough. "Oh my gosh!" she squealed, clasping her hands together. "I am your biggest fan! I actually started a club for your books in my fifth year at Hogwarts! Just wait till I tell Charlie I met you. Why didn't you tell me? You are my role model, you are my god, you are... looking at me like I'm insane."

"Well, you sort of answered your own question there," Remus said uncomfortably.

"What, you don't like having girls practically wet themselves with excitement?" asked a third voice as Sirius staggered into the kitchen. "Coffee, Remus, coffee."

"I'm working on it," Remus said, gently prying the laptop away from Tonks, saving the document, and closing it. "And no, I don't like that. That's why I don't have my real name on the books."

"But you're young," Tonks said, clearly puzzled. "I figured you'd be, y'know, older." She suddenly whirled on her cousin, then grimaced and clutched at her head. "Sirius!" she said, sounding suddenly weak but still angry. "Why didn't you tell me you knew R.J. Marauder?"

"One, he got the first book published when we were sixteen," Sirius said, sounding rather zombie-like. "And two, I didn't tell you for the same reason he doesn't put his real name on there. He doesn't like being in the spotlight, for whatever reason. Is the coffee done yet?" he asked, whining, and Remus rolled his eyes.

"No. And let me be the first to tell you that you look bloody awful this morning," Remus commented, leaning against the counter. Tonks still looked put-out and slightly in awe, but Sirius rolled his eyes.

"You're one to talk. When did you last sleep?"

"Last night," Remus said calmly. Sirius narrowed his eyes.

"He was asleep at the table," Tonks chimed in. "And the laptop was still on, hadn't even gone to screen saver, so he must have fallen asleep within thirty minutes or so."

Remus shrugged.

"Idiot," Sirius said fondly, as the coffee maker finally beeped, and Remus grabbed three coffee mugs out of the cabinet, pouring equal amount in each. "Tonks, do you want sugar?" he asked politely, handing Sirius a cup of black coffee; the man picked it up and took a long swallow. Remus was already putting exactly one and a half spoonfuls of sugar in his and pulling out the carton of vanilla ice cream that he used in place of creamer to put another spoonful in. She nodded fervently, and he handed her the spoon, box of sugar, and coffee, fixing a bowl of ice cream for Sirius and placing it in front of him with another spoon, automatically taking the now-empty coffee cup and refilling it. Tonks watched with a rather bemused expression.

"You've done this a lot," she commented, and Remus and Sirius both nodded.

"I've know this sorry idiot for the better part of my life," Remus said with a shrug, finally sitting down to his own coffee. His eyelids felt heavy, and his thoughts sluggish.

"Oh, I'm the sorry bloke, am I?" Sirius asked, feigning indignation. "Actually, I am. What about James, though?"

"James doesn't go getting himself drunk this often, and when he does he calls Lily." Remus frowned. "Speaking of which, I'm leaving you there next time."

"I'll bring Tonksy with me as insurance you'll come."

"I'll just take her home," Remus said, and with Sirius opened his mouth argue, he cut him off with, "And I'll take your bike with me. And your wand. No Apparation."

Sirius grunted, sticking a huge spoonful of ice cream in his mouth to avoid answering, though he continued to scowl at his old friend.

"Tonks, please stop looking at me like that," Remus said uncomfortably, and Sirius snickered. Tonks blinked, seemingly unaware of the awestruck looks she had been giving him. She flushed and took a swig of her coffee, just for something to do with her hands.

Remus shook his head exasperatedly. Here he was, almost seven years after publishing his first book without anyone knowing it was him, and here was one of his best friend's cousins in his kitchen, hungover and practically drooling over the fact that he was an author.

"Moony," Sirius said suddenly, and Remus looked up, aware of the fact that he had been dozing, his forehead practically touching the table.

"Hm?" he said, looking up at Sirius. His eyes took a few seconds to focus. The black-haired man shook his head, grinning.

"You stupid writer you. I'm hiding your laptop and taking Tonks home, and you are going to bed."

Remus raised his eyebrows. "And when have I ever taken orders from you?"

"Any and every time I gave them. Bed. Now. I'll drag James and Peter down here next week."

Remus nodded sleepily, too exhausted to argue, and stood slowly, aware that Sirius had unplugged his laptop and was placing it beneath the sink. He shook his head, smiling ruefully as he realized he probably wouldn't remember that when he woke up. He flicked his first two fingers in his guests' direction in some semblance of a wave, then stumbled back to his bedroom. He heard Sirius laugh, and Tonks's admonishing voice, then everything was blissfully silent.


End file.
